A new year, yet a new quiet

So, it's been a new year now for almost 2 months yet this is the first entry into my blog for 2009. The shame, the horror. In truth, it hasn't been for having things lacking to talk about. Quite the contrary. Whether it has been thoughts I've had of new years resolutions, comments about the world and the economy in the toilet,  or general Jess bantering, the truth is I haven't committed myself to write about it. So here is a bit of a catch up blog and the promise to be better about committing to a few paragraphs at least a couple of times during the week.

The new year has brought me both excitement and confusion, AGAIN. I remember growing up, somewhere in college realizing that most of the years that seem to have important things happen to me occur in odd ending years. I mean think about it. I learned to drive in 1991, graduated from college in 1997, got married in 2005. So somewhere my logic had me thinking this new year would bring something important to put in my milestone book. So far, 2 months in, nada. We'll see if this year brings about any worthwhile changes. While I am excited..the first few months have been blah at best. I want to be excited about what could be right around the corner, yet I am also confused on being apathetic to it as well. I guess time will tell.

One of the positive experiences that occurred towards the end of last year and has carried over into the beginning of this year, has been a new focus on writing. Not of my blog (obviously..which I really WILL get better at), but of my poetry. My sister in law, has graced me with such a gift it is beyond words. She's reminded me I am a writer, I am a matchmaker of lines, and again, one of my 'passions,' writing poetry has been reawakened in my sole. Thanks to her gift, I have viewed the world and the way that verses fall out of my pencil onto a paper in a new way. I have appreciated being able to focus some of my thoughts and feelings into a pencil that had been sitting dormant for many, many years. So this new year hopefully will bring a new rush of creativity I so desperately needed.

But this new year has brought a tiny bit of confusion. I will not lie. Since we came back from "home (Colorado)" in December, my thoughts have been with just that, being home. While I still value the adventure Doug and I are able to have out here, I would be denying my feelings by not saying that I miss Colorado more than I used to. I think having my family rally around my grandma, sick over the holidays, reminded me of how close I am to them. Yes, I am a 2 hr plane ride away, but I still miss them every day. I don't allow myself to get paralyzed by sadness or regret. The truth is, I am extremely grateful, more than Doug will ever know for this experience to move somewhere else, try something else, be someone else in our trips out to California here thus far. I really do feel like I have been able to push boundaries and experiences I probably never would have allowed myself to experience 5-10 years ago. It's helped me to prove to myself that I am a much stronger person that I let on, and no matter how much I fear change, I can handle and adapt.

Yet the confusion is that I can never really let go of home. No matter what I do to immerse myself here in, be it my "somewhat obsession" with running, my work, or trying to see what we can of California, life somewhere else is never far away in my mind. The longer I am away from it, the more critically aware I realize I am in differences, between the Jess of California, and the Jess of Colorado. And there are many times where all I want is to go back to being Jess of Colorado. I guess time, and circumstance will determine that eventually.

Phew, went really whiny there about missing Colorado huh? Just being fair. It isn't that I don't love the people and the life at times out here (I mean come on...80s in January when back home many of you were suffering with 30s), but Colorado is who I am, what I am...and I don't think moving to another state will ever change that, no matter how hard I, or someone else tries to change that.

Ok..enough whining about Colorado :) On to the positives of this year. So, so far in these short 2 1/2 months I am on target again to run in a good number of races before year end. So far...I have 3 under my belt. Including one that I am really glad I did last Sunday, the Chinatown 5K. It was probably the most challenging run I have completed, because most of it was totally hills in Chinatown, downtown LA. Definitely worth braving the cold and winds and spitting rain with a few of my running peeps to challenge ourselves. I look forward to more races this year, and working hard to challenge myself. I am hoping on doing another 1/2 marathon if not 2, by the end of the year.

So, a bit far into the new year..but the first official "blog" for me is in the books. I will vow to not be so quiet in the weeks and months to come!