The prodigal daughter returns!

I have always been one to countdown for things to look forward to. I often feel like my whole life has been one big countdown. One of my favorite countdowns occurred in college, when my best friend and I were meeting up to attend a concert of one of our local bands at Red Rocks. It was the first time we would get to hang out with each other since starting college at different schools. I was so excited I taped index cards with dates on them to countdown the time 'til the concert on my dorm room wall, a MONTH in advance. Most friends and family also know that I countdown my birthday days when February starts, or the days until a vacation we have planned if I am excited about it. So it goes without saying that on the eve of my first trip back home to Colorado..I have been counting this time down in my head.

 

Doug initially told me he was going back to Colorado this weekend about a month ago. He was planning his next business trip to Sacramento and let me know it would have to be a two weeker. Figuring he could tie up some loose ends we had back home, he decided flying from Sacramento to Denver for the weekend worked. But I actually at first, did not jump to get my ticket. While a tiny part of me was anxious,and wanted to book MY flight right away, I also didn't want to go rushing home, after all, it has only been 2 months of being out here. And one of my biggest fears about moving to California, was knowing that if I allowed myself to go home a LOT, it would make it harder on me to get used to being here (Cali), set up a routine here, learn to like being here. So I resisted saying I wanted to travel back home too.

Oddly, it was Doug who encouraged me head home, and meet him there in Colorado. "When are you going to get the chance to come back before June (my brother's wedding)," he asked. "Besides, it is Easter weekend, and I know it wouldn't mind spending it with your family."

So, since booking my flight two weeks ago, I have had a running countdown going in my head and outloud every day. All my co-workers know I am heading home tomorrow and I think they can sense the excitement and nervousness in my voice. But I would be lying if I said this countdown wasn't  touching a few nerves.

Before we moved here, I was incredibly scared. Fear of the unknown. And after knowing the same thing in Colorado for 32 years, you get used to it. Plus, not until then, did I realize how proud I was to be a Coloradan. I was so afraid someplace so foreign, so scary like California would eat me up.

But things here are going ok. So I return home to fears of the unknown awaiting me there. Is it going to feel like things have stayed the same? WIll it be only me that is different? Will it be a countdown to fears of realizing how much I miss my town, my friends and an even bigger fear that it will be harder to come back to California, alone, on Sunday?

 

For now, I continue to countdown hours until my plane's departure. And push myself towards knowing that the countdown to head back out here to California, and start my routine and life like I am used to, will follow soon after.

See you in Colorado!